I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
time to smoke my breakfast
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
