So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
