Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize