If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still dying that you shit outside
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
