I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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