he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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