I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
