hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
