He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
