return my video game
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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