You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
