I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
