I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
