sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
