You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
