Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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