if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
