i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
