dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize