Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize