how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
