I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
