I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
