DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
