Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
