I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize