When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
