it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
