who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Randomize
