Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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