I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
