I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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