I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
