so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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