whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
