im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
