so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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