there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
