My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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