Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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