those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
