My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
