lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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