Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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