Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
