they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize