It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
