I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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