you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Michael Bay diarrhea
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
