Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
