If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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