Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
