Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I want her autograph on my taint
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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