I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
