chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
