I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
