you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
