My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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