I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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