I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
