is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
