She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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