well I can't set my house on fire every night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
