Can Purell be used as lube?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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