i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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