whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
