There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
