We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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