Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
