just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
