You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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