NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
