Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
