i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's get the cat blown out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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