ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
