Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
