Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My vagina is officially offended.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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