I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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