One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
