Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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