he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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