one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
