party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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