so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
