Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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