your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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