Whod you bang
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
