I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
