May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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