Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
