in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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