I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
