you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
