Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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