I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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