Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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