i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
