she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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