drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
