yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
