He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
