Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
