So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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