i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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