Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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