I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
